A child’s fear of not being able to write!

I was working on my laptop at office on a Saturday afternoon. My four year old son Parth was in the office & was playing with the Markers on the White Board & felt pens on the chart papers. After a while I saw signs of emotional fatigue. So I asked him how he was doing and what he was thinking.

He told me that he was having a fear about not being able to write. He was worried about going to a Big School & not knowing how to write. He told “If I go to a Big School, how will I do writing ?”

So I said, ok lets rub the white board & write down what he thinks about this. So I made a figure of a child & named him Parth, drew a book in his hand, & made a sad smiley face next to it. Then I made a sketch of a Big School with buildings & a basketball court. I asked him to tell me more about what his fears were. He gave me eight fears –

  1. “If I go to a Big School, how will I do writing ? If I can’t write I will feel bad.”
  2. “If I go to Big School & I take work from the teacher. If I don’t know writing how will I do the work?”
  3. “In school when I want to do things of Big Boys, then they tell me that I cant do, but I want to do it.”
  4. “If I go to Big Office & Papa is not there. If I don’t know what to do, how will I find out what to do.” He then illustrates by pressing a button on the laptop and continues “If I press one button on the Laptop, what happens. How will I know ?”
  5. “If I am going to school with my brother, and I teach him something wrong, what will happen?”
  6. “If I remain small & my small brother grows up & Papa / Mummy have not yet been born. If I have to go to office, what will happen?”
  7. He sees a lot of use of Chart Papers in the office & stuff’s written on them during meetings. So he perhaps thinks that he needs to practice on them. So he says “ If I want to use Chart Paper, but Mummy does not give me, I will feel bad.”
  8. “If I am in Bangalore for work & my house is in Dubai, then how will I eat my food?” When I told him about the restaurants in Bangalore, he asks “If I am in Antartica for work & my house is in Dubai, then how will I eat my food?” He then expresses his concern “I will have to eat fishes and everyone there will be an alien!”

By this time, when all the fears are out, he is already playful. So I drew a picture of an infant & called him small Parth. I told him, that when he was very small, he did not even know how to speak or to walk etc. I asked “How did you learn to walk?” So he says “I Tried Tried Tried Tried Tried, & then I learnt how to walk.”

So I asked him when he fell down while learning to walk did he have any fears. He again repeated “I Tried Tried Tried Tried Tried, & then I learnt how to walk.”

So I asked him if now he knew how he can learn to write. He again repeated. “I will try try try try & try & then I will learn to write. ”

Then I asked how he felt & he said “All is well”. I wrote it down on the white board and I asked if I could make a smiling face near that. He let me draw a smiley.

He learnt the idea of making pictures to express himself, while he learns how to write.

So the lesson learnt is that even a small child as young as 4 years also has a need to find his own answers & not being told about the answers all the time. He has a need to be learning how to stand on his own feet. All we have to do is to be the catalyst & ask the right questions. They will find their answers. When they find their answers, they own the ideas & then they are excited about using their new found ideas. No one wants to depend upon anyone, even if the ‘anyone’ is an expert, experienced & knowledgeable person. So it doesn’t matter how smart or intelligent you are, in relationship, its never about you, its always about them.

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All Work No Play

What’s important ?

Work getting done every day! Your list of tasks getting ticked every day ! And no excitement ? No Love ? No Joy ?

You were tired at night & slept off without closing your night chores ? You wake up in the morning & see what was not done at the night ! Does that make feel angry ? Do you take it out on your spouse, your kids or do you begin the day with a hug, a smile, a mystery in your heart.

You look at the unfinished task in your list & that makes you cringe. Then you decide that its not going to be like that today and you push the accelerator. You have an agenda in life today. Nothing else matters. Tasks must be finished, come what may.

If this is how your day begins, you are living your life ‘linear’. Its all about you. You must achieve all your goals, alone. Because all others in your life have their own goals and their goals appear to be different than your goals. So YOUR goals, YOUR tasks have to be pushed hard, as you are the only one who owns them.

Have you experienced “meeting of minds” ? Do you think, its possible to have “meeting of minds” ? Or you think its too difficult & time consuming to arrive at that, you rather do it all yourself & to the extent it gets too much, just delegate things around. It doesn’t matter if others are excited about doing that or not. It doesn’t matter if other’s have their own conflicting tasks to do or ways of going about their life, as the loudest & the most powerful person wins.

Well you may have been getting away with this & you may be content with your life & may be secretly think your life is not worthwhile or exciting. But you just pass the motions.

So if excitement is not important in life, why cringe for the lack of it ? If excitement is not what your soul wants to experience, then you would secretly be fine living your life ‘linear’.

Most of your early life, you are a free bird. You have little / no obligations at home. You can choose your friends at school / college. When you step into the world or you get married & have kids, you start living your life in relationship. Success is to happen mostly during this phase of life. So living in relationship & achieving your tasks in relationship becomes more important.

“Meeting of minds” is like design time for your tasks/goals/objectives/dreams. Spend a little more time understanding others goals/tasks/objectives/dreams. Offer to help. In relationship, life begins with giving, especially giving unconditionally. Experience the joy of understanding others around you, & helping them achieve their own little accomplishments. Giving is the most satisfying experience for us. And the same is true for others also. They feel guilty about not giving you enough in return, as they also want to experience the joy of giving. So they want to understand your dreams/goals/tasks/objectives. Its no good having your clarity in your mind. No one can read your mind. See how you can now win people to your vision. At your office, try to evolve the common vision, & stick it on the wall for everyone to see. At home, share your vision with your spouse, & work towards building an environment for the family to thrive.

So, are you beginning with expecting your spouse, or colleagues to start Giving ?

Gimme a break 🙂

Why do people work ?

Isn’t your biggest anticipation from your job or profession, to be excited about what you do ?

If your work excites you, perhaps, no need to read any further. But if you don’t feel fresh at 6 pm, or if you don’t feel that your day begins at any time of the day, then you may want to think along with me.

Why is it that some of us think of money as the biggest motivator to work ? Why do companies or even nations set goals purely in terms of money & growth ? Even when they talk about inclusive growth, its still in terms of money!

Money is a medium of exchange that we use to buy something that excites us, or solves our pain or helps us gain. So if excitement was not important, money would not be either. But why do we think we can be bored for 9 hours a day just to earn our pay, that might allow us to buy things that excite us ?

We don’t realize what excitement does to us! Don’t we ? We don’t realize how it opens doors for us. If you are excited about what you do, you make others want to work with you. It makes others want to give you responsibility, because they feel, that the work will get done, well.

You want to do something else in life? Your heart is somewhere else? Well! It shows! If you are not happy doing something ‘now’, you don’t attract any positive belief in YOU, by others, ‘now’. If they are not convinced about you, on what you are doing ‘now’, they cannot help you reach a point, where you can do what really excites you.

So is there really any alternative to “doing what excites you” ? What can tell us what’s right? Is there something that guides us & shows us the path ?

You are most likely to succeed, when you radiate your purpose in life. People see an excited ‘you’ & want to do business. Else, you are always working on effort mode. You are pushing for things to happen. Else, people get pulled by you. Isn’t that the path of least resistance to success ?

Try it! Its gets easy once you are in it. Then you could use your emotions to guide you & keep you in your path of success !