Door bell rings!
My Son storms in, with two of his friends waiting outside the door.
He is complaining.
Son – “How much did you spend for this Fidget Spinner?”
Me – “Why do you want to know that?”
Son – “A boy broke it. I need to go to him and ask him for my money?”
Me – “That’s ok. We will buy another one. Toys are meant to be broken.”
Son – “No I need to take back my money.”
Me – “Its ok. Let go.”
Friend 1 – “Uncle, if we let it go, that boy will not learn a lesson on to handle things carefully?”
Me – I ask him inquisitively. “Why do you want to teach him a lesson? Are you his coach?”
Son walks back into the conversation…. “I know what my dad will say next…. ”
Me – I ask him with, “What?”
Son – “What you learn in life is for you… Not to teach others.”
Friend2 – “But uncle! One toy is broken. Its such a waste…!
Me – But whatever is physical gets broken ultimately. We can break this body… this door… this toy… Only we can’t break our spirit.
Friend2 – Trying to make a point, “Thats right.. But I can make you lose hope!”
Son – Rather over-confidently tells his friends, “No da.. You can’t make my dad lose hope.”
Me – “For you to make me lose my hope… you must have lost your hope!”
Friend2 – “No.. I have hope… But I lose it in my badminton match when I am 0-7 down… Until I am 0 -6, I can bounce back”
Me – “Why do you lose hope at 0 – 7 ?”
Son – “Ok… tell me one thing… You Play To Not Lose (PTNL) or Play to Win (PTW)
Friend2 – “Its the same!”
Son – “No its not the same.”
Friend2 – Tells honestly…”I play not to lose”..
Friend1 – I play to enjoy the game…!
Son telling Friend 2 – “That’s why you may lose”..
Friend2 – Confused… Asks him “How”.
Me – When you are “Playing not to Lose”… it means you haven’t accepted the possibility of losing… You are nervous about having to lose.. and are stressed about losing. Every point that you play… you are worried about the final outcome. In that are you playing the game?.. Are you alert ? Are you playing every shot to it’s merit? Are you watching your opponent? Are you covering your court like a King ?
Friend2 – That’s why I just enjoy the game!
Me – “That’s good! But is that enough. Don’t you want to win?”
Friend2 – Conceding…. “Uncle you are right… What should I do?”.
Me – “When you are Playing To Win… You have already accepted that you lose…. Now you are focussed on the game at hand…and doing what needs to be done in every shot, for winning…So then even if you down 0-7… you are still playing with the same spirit..In that situation… you may find out something new.. about your opponent.. about his weakness…and some new hints/ideas to try… because your mind is free!”
Friend2 – Looks convinced. Doesn’t say a thing….
They all leave with the broken Fidget Spinner!